The
dirty socks
The
foam darts
The
giggles behind closed doors
The
high pitched singing of pop songs
The
begging for sleepovers
The
“I didn’t do it” look
The
energy
The
running through the house
The
“grand ideas”
I
miss the little things, along with the big things, but it’s the little things
that catch me off guard. Yesterday was
J-man’s first full day with his mom and our first full day without him in our
home. It was rough. Work kept my mind busy for most of the day,
but I still had a breakdown in the morning when he wasn’t sitting on the couch
in his boxers with a blanket over him watching Saved By The Bell reruns. He always woke up and hung out in the living
room before I made it out. I’m slow in
the morning and I liked seeing his little half awake self hanging out on the
couch. He’s a homebody and he really
enjoys his times. Early mornings were
his alone time and he took full advantage of them!
I
broke down again at lunch when I talked to my mama about him. The good-bye was hell on all three of
us. Just imagine convulsing tears. I was a sobbing mess then and I could be a
sobbing mess at any moment. I love that
little guy like my own. People may
question that love, but if you could be God for a moment and know the love I
feel for him, all doubt would disappear.
I am so very lucky to have such a sweet boy in my life. I’m counting the weeks until I see him next…it’s
approximately 12 in case you were wondering. Who knows? Maybe it will be sooner. I’m the constant optimist regardless of how
broken my heart is.
As
I pulled into the driveway, I could imagine J-man running out the door and
saying “Hi Sarah! How was work?” and
then turning around and saying “Lir Lir, Mama’s home!” in a really high pitched voice! Sadly, that wasn’t my greeting
yesterday. Instead I had rain, a sad
husband and an itchy puppy. We ate
leftovers because we didn’t have the energy to cook for two and most of the
lights remained off. It was depressing. And when dinner was done, we had to clear our
own plates. It was J-man’s job to clear
the table and he did it every single night without complaint. It was sweet to have him take the plate from
in front of me and put them in the kitchen.
We were a functioning family unit and now we are just a couple
again. It’s an adjustment. The energy was gone from the house.
After
dinner, I walked into the living room and pulled two dirty little boy socks
from the couch…and cried. I’m going to miss finding little socks in really odd
places. I folded some blankets and
thought of all the cuddles that were shared under them and all the tickle
fights that I dominated! The fact that
the blankets stayed folded for the rest of the night was horrible. I normally fold blankets at least twice if
not three or four times a night. I need
nerf bullets and rubber bands flying around, golf balls being putted and
chipped, kids running in the house and forgetting to wipe their feet, little
voices giggling behind bedroom doors, complaints about going to bed, little
voices asking for dessert.
He
skyped his daddy and me five times yesterday.
We saw his new bedroom, the yard he will play in and the house in
general. It’s nice to be able to see his
face, but I really just want to be able to tousle his hair and make him giggle.
We know he misses us dearly and he knows we miss him, but he also knows that we
want the best for him and his honesty about how he feels is of utmost
importance to us. I just hope that he is
happy.
Much love.
