The foam darts
The giggles behind closed doors
The high pitched singing of pop songs
The begging for sleepovers
The “I didn’t do it” look
The running through the house
The “grand ideas”
I miss the little things, along with the big things, but it’s the little things that catch me off guard. Yesterday was J-man’s first full day with his mom and our first full day without him in our home. It was rough. Work kept my mind busy for most of the day, but I still had a breakdown in the morning when he wasn’t sitting on the couch in his boxers with a blanket over him watching Saved By The Bell reruns. He always woke up and hung out in the living room before I made it out. I’m slow in the morning and I liked seeing his little half awake self hanging out on the couch. He’s a homebody and he really enjoys his times. Early mornings were his alone time and he took full advantage of them!
I broke down again at lunch when I talked to my mama about him. The good-bye was hell on all three of us. Just imagine convulsing tears. I was a sobbing mess then and I could be a sobbing mess at any moment. I love that little guy like my own. People may question that love, but if you could be God for a moment and know the love I feel for him, all doubt would disappear. I am so very lucky to have such a sweet boy in my life. I’m counting the weeks until I see him next…it’s approximately 12 in case you were wondering. Who knows? Maybe it will be sooner. I’m the constant optimist regardless of how broken my heart is.
As I pulled into the driveway, I could imagine J-man running out the door and saying “Hi Sarah! How was work?” and then turning around and saying “Lir Lir, Mama’s home!” in a really high pitched voice! Sadly, that wasn’t my greeting yesterday. Instead I had rain, a sad husband and an itchy puppy. We ate leftovers because we didn’t have the energy to cook for two and most of the lights remained off. It was depressing. And when dinner was done, we had to clear our own plates. It was J-man’s job to clear the table and he did it every single night without complaint. It was sweet to have him take the plate from in front of me and put them in the kitchen. We were a functioning family unit and now we are just a couple again. It’s an adjustment. The energy was gone from the house.
After dinner, I walked into the living room and pulled two dirty little boy socks from the couch…and cried. I’m going to miss finding little socks in really odd places. I folded some blankets and thought of all the cuddles that were shared under them and all the tickle fights that I dominated! The fact that the blankets stayed folded for the rest of the night was horrible. I normally fold blankets at least twice if not three or four times a night. I need nerf bullets and rubber bands flying around, golf balls being putted and chipped, kids running in the house and forgetting to wipe their feet, little voices giggling behind bedroom doors, complaints about going to bed, little voices asking for dessert.
He skyped his daddy and me five times yesterday. We saw his new bedroom, the yard he will play in and the house in general. It’s nice to be able to see his face, but I really just want to be able to tousle his hair and make him giggle. We know he misses us dearly and he knows we miss him, but he also knows that we want the best for him and his honesty about how he feels is of utmost importance to us. I just hope that he is happy.