Friday, July 26, 2013

The Little Things...

The dirty socks
The foam darts
The giggles behind closed doors
The high pitched singing of pop songs
The begging for sleepovers
The “I didn’t do it” look
The energy
The running through the house
The “grand ideas”

I miss the little things, along with the big things, but it’s the little things that catch me off guard.  Yesterday was J-man’s first full day with his mom and our first full day without him in our home.  It was rough.  Work kept my mind busy for most of the day, but I still had a breakdown in the morning when he wasn’t sitting on the couch in his boxers with a blanket over him watching Saved By The Bell reruns.  He always woke up and hung out in the living room before I made it out.  I’m slow in the morning and I liked seeing his little half awake self hanging out on the couch.  He’s a homebody and he really enjoys his times.  Early mornings were his alone time and he took full advantage of them!

I broke down again at lunch when I talked to my mama about him.  The good-bye was hell on all three of us.  Just imagine convulsing tears.  I was a sobbing mess then and I could be a sobbing mess at any moment.  I love that little guy like my own.  People may question that love, but if you could be God for a moment and know the love I feel for him, all doubt would disappear.  I am so very lucky to have such a sweet boy in my life.  I’m counting the weeks until I see him next…it’s approximately 12 in case you were wondering. Who knows?  Maybe it will be sooner.  I’m the constant optimist regardless of how broken my heart is.

As I pulled into the driveway, I could imagine J-man running out the door and saying “Hi Sarah!  How was work?” and then turning around and saying “Lir Lir, Mama’s home!”  in a really high pitched voice!  Sadly, that wasn’t my greeting yesterday.  Instead I had rain, a sad husband and an itchy puppy.  We ate leftovers because we didn’t have the energy to cook for two and most of the lights remained off.  It was depressing.  And when dinner was done, we had to clear our own plates.  It was J-man’s job to clear the table and he did it every single night without complaint.  It was sweet to have him take the plate from in front of me and put them in the kitchen.  We were a functioning family unit and now we are just a couple again.  It’s an adjustment.  The energy was gone from the house. 

After dinner, I walked into the living room and pulled two dirty little boy socks from the couch…and cried. I’m going to miss finding little socks in really odd places.  I folded some blankets and thought of all the cuddles that were shared under them and all the tickle fights that I dominated!  The fact that the blankets stayed folded for the rest of the night was horrible.  I normally fold blankets at least twice if not three or four times a night.  I need nerf bullets and rubber bands flying around, golf balls being putted and chipped, kids running in the house and forgetting to wipe their feet, little voices giggling behind bedroom doors, complaints about going to bed, little voices asking for dessert.

He skyped his daddy and me five times yesterday.  We saw his new bedroom, the yard he will play in and the house in general.  It’s nice to be able to see his face, but I really just want to be able to tousle his hair and make him giggle. We know he misses us dearly and he knows we miss him, but he also knows that we want the best for him and his honesty about how he feels is of utmost importance to us.  I just hope that he is happy. 

Much love.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Oh Running...and a Neat Little Book

Oh Running.
I am not a runner by nature.
I am just working towards a goal,
A silly, very silly, New Year’s resolution actually.
At times I feel as if I could run for days,
And at other times I feel like my body is rejecting my stomach.
The latter is a horrible feeling,
Absolutely horrible.
Yesterday, I had an amazing run!
I needed it because I was starting to get extremely discouraged.
Stomach issues while running are not enjoyable.
Thank heavens giving up dairy and popping two Tums before running seems to help.

This is me feeling like death after a run.

This is me feeling like I could conquer the world after a run.

Oh and this little 75-cents of perfection arrived in the mail yesterday! 
Perfect timing in my mind!
A little book that took 20 years to compile has quite the collection!
It's one of those books that you pick up and randomly open to a page.
I love it! 
It will definitely reside on my coffee table to eternity.
I look forward to friends making notes in it!

Much love.

Belated First Father's Day Photoshoot!

Back in June I did a First Father’s Day photo session and I completely forgot to share the pictures.  This is the little boy that was in his mama’s belly in this post and in his mama’s arms in this post.  This photo-loving family loves highly edited photos – over exposed, funky colors, sharp lines, etc. -  so I tried to provide them with some overly edited photos as well as some true colored, true exposure photos. 
The Dad decided he wanted to go to the Botanical Gardens Water Playground for the fun shoot and that is exactly what we did!  They got soaking wet instantly and from there naked baby came out!  I love chubby naked babies and generally babies love being naked, so it works out great!  There were some wonderful expressions, cute moments, playful moments, and totally “them” moments.  Oh and this entire shoot was candid.  The dad refused to pose.  Keep that in mind when you are looking at these photos!  It was actually really fun!
Love a daddy's strong hand holding his baby!
Oh he loves his daddy!

Getting Wet!

The ears.  He has his daddy's ears!

I didn't edit this photo at all.  I love the light coming in and daddy's expression.

Upsiden down kisses!!

Playing on the fort!  Loving the lighting here too!

Relaxing in the hamock

What up, Dad?

Daddy hands and Daddy kisses!

Oh the ears!  I love those ears!

Much love.

Monday, July 22, 2013

Occupying My Mind

I’m emotional.  Anyone who knows me, knows this fact about me.  I wear my emotions on my sleeve.  Complete strangers can tell how I am feeling.  Poker will never be the game for me.  Shucks!  This being said, I need to occupy my mind during heavily emotional periods of my life like this one because if I don’t I just sleep and cry far too much. 
(Check out this post for the reason I'm emotional.)

When I was in graduate school, I tutored to make a few extra dollars and for the most part I enjoyed it immensely.  I realized which subjects I can tutor well and which ones I should stay away from.  Shocker, note the sarcasm, Economics, Statistics, Finance, and Standardized Test prep were the subjects I enjoyed and was most effective at teaching.  Since I received some enjoyment and it keeps me relevant in the subject matter, I have decided to take on select students.  I am being picky and will not overextend myself.  If it is too much on me, I will cut back or stop all together, but I am hopeful that it will be good for me! 

I’ve also decided to really focus on photography.  I love it!  I thoroughly enjoy capturing moments in time, researching techniques and practicing.  I am taking senior portraits on the beach this weekend and I am jazzed!  I found a location that has a variety of backdrops and I practiced with Jared this weekend.  Granted he was skim boarding the entire time, but I was still able to figure out how to best capture the ocean, the sky, the sand, the rocks, etc.  If this session goes well, my confidence will be boosted.  Fingers crossed.
My ultimate career goal is to be self-employed and the time to take that plunge is now.  There will not be a better time.  "Better Times" are figments of our psyche.  The steps must be taken now and I am jumping in full force!  I want to be happy in my career, provide some financial support and still maintain the flexibility for my family and friends.  I value family time immensely and I refuse to let my job take that time away from me.  The journey may not be easy, but it will be worth it.
My father is self-employed and growing up my mother was a stay at home mom and handled the books for the business.  Having my mom and dad at school events was amazing!  I love that my dad could change his work hours to be there for his kids and I love that my mom was always there to get us ready in the morning and fetch us from the bus in the afternoon.  Having my parents so close during my childhood has instilled a love and admiration for them in me that in indescribable.  I want that for my children. Plain and Simple.
Are you self-employed?  What were the challenges that you faced along the way?  Was it worth it in the end?  Are you happier?

Much love.

Sunday, July 21, 2013

My Heart is Broken.

I have dreaded writing this post with every ounce of my being, but the time has come to face the facts and lay it all out.  Little J-man, well he’s not so little anymore, he’s growing into quite the preteen, is moving to Iowa with his mom for the next year (at a minimum).  Iowa is not close. I’m already planning trips to see him and packages to send him.

My heart is broken. 

I know I am being selfish, but I don’t want to let him go.  I love him like my own and we have such a neat relationship that I want to continue to build upon.  Ryan and I have really made our house and home and little J-man was a HUGE part of that.

His energy, his “rocks for brains” moments, his silly questions, his friends running in and out, his homemade bows and arrows, his dirty socks, his morning routines, his skinny jeans, his high pitched singing, his skinny little legs in boxers, his love of popcorn and bacon, his love, his personality, his insane confidence…he would beat a bobcat in an attack, just so you all know!

…all make our house a home and our family sweeter.

I’m really going to miss that little sweetie.  He really is a sweet boy with an innocence that I adore! Obviously, his father, my husband, is going to miss him dearly as well and my heart breaks for him.  I’ve had the honor of watching them grow together over the past two years.  Jared brings out the silly side of Ryan and the disciplinarian when necessary.  They love to golf together and Jared has become quite the little golfer this year.  It’s impressive.  Jared knows what to say to his dad to make him happy, compliments his cooking, talks golf, loves to watch the food network with him…you know “man stuff.”  He’s much more intuitive than the average 11 year old and really cares about how his mom and dad feel.  There is a part of me that wishes he was less intuitive and voiced his opinion, about who he wants to be with a little more, but he is still young and his intuitiveness makes him who he is.

He loves his mom and wants to go with her in some ways, but also wants to stay with us for other reasons.  To be in the situation he is as such a young age is something I never wish for anyone, let alone any child.  I simply cannot imagine choosing between my mom and dad.  To this day, I couldn’t do them.  I love my parents so completely and for different reasons.  There is no way I could ever choose.  Please keep the little guy in your prayers.

The other day at work when I was informing my boss that Jared will be leaving and I might be a mess for a few days, he said “You’re too young to go through this.”  My response was, “He’s too young to go through this.”  Every child should have both parents in a close proximity if they aren’t married or civil.  No child should have to be in different schools all throughout his life, constantly making new friends, and balancing parental emotions and styles, adjusting to completely different environments.  He is though and I pray that he becomes stronger and really build a solid confidence in the boy he is.  I’ve learned more about myself through the tough decisions I’ve had to make and situations I’ve had to endure than the easy ones, so who knows, maybe he will conquer these moments in life and prosper! 

Much love

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Wow. Sorry for being MIA. I am ALIVE!

Life over the past month or so has been extremely hectic.  Good hectic, but hectic nonetheless. I went on a vacation to the OBX with my entire family!  Twenty plus people in an eight bedroom house.  It was amazing and much needed!  The Fourth of July brought lots of family time and a surprise visit from my brother in law!  A last minute work trip to Chicago that was successful, but was stressful because of the time constraint.  While life was happening, my garden kept growing!!  Thank heavens mother nature lent me a helping hand with lots of sunshine and an abundance of rain!!

Cherry Plum Hybrid Tomato

Cherry Plum Hybrid Tomatoes that are growing and will taste yummy soon.

They are perfect! 
Jalapeno - I have a ton of these bad boys!
These monsters are supposed to be super sweet!

I picked one because I had to.

Elephant Ears!

Elephant Ears and my garden in the background


Some crazy pepper plant that was mislabeled.

My pickings for the day!

They are so yummy!
 Much love.