Sunday, July 21, 2013

My Heart is Broken.

I have dreaded writing this post with every ounce of my being, but the time has come to face the facts and lay it all out.  Little J-man, well he’s not so little anymore, he’s growing into quite the preteen, is moving to Iowa with his mom for the next year (at a minimum).  Iowa is not close. I’m already planning trips to see him and packages to send him.

My heart is broken. 

I know I am being selfish, but I don’t want to let him go.  I love him like my own and we have such a neat relationship that I want to continue to build upon.  Ryan and I have really made our house and home and little J-man was a HUGE part of that.

His energy, his “rocks for brains” moments, his silly questions, his friends running in and out, his homemade bows and arrows, his dirty socks, his morning routines, his skinny jeans, his high pitched singing, his skinny little legs in boxers, his love of popcorn and bacon, his love, his personality, his insane confidence…he would beat a bobcat in an attack, just so you all know!

…all make our house a home and our family sweeter.

I’m really going to miss that little sweetie.  He really is a sweet boy with an innocence that I adore! Obviously, his father, my husband, is going to miss him dearly as well and my heart breaks for him.  I’ve had the honor of watching them grow together over the past two years.  Jared brings out the silly side of Ryan and the disciplinarian when necessary.  They love to golf together and Jared has become quite the little golfer this year.  It’s impressive.  Jared knows what to say to his dad to make him happy, compliments his cooking, talks golf, loves to watch the food network with him…you know “man stuff.”  He’s much more intuitive than the average 11 year old and really cares about how his mom and dad feel.  There is a part of me that wishes he was less intuitive and voiced his opinion, about who he wants to be with a little more, but he is still young and his intuitiveness makes him who he is.

He loves his mom and wants to go with her in some ways, but also wants to stay with us for other reasons.  To be in the situation he is as such a young age is something I never wish for anyone, let alone any child.  I simply cannot imagine choosing between my mom and dad.  To this day, I couldn’t do them.  I love my parents so completely and for different reasons.  There is no way I could ever choose.  Please keep the little guy in your prayers.

The other day at work when I was informing my boss that Jared will be leaving and I might be a mess for a few days, he said “You’re too young to go through this.”  My response was, “He’s too young to go through this.”  Every child should have both parents in a close proximity if they aren’t married or civil.  No child should have to be in different schools all throughout his life, constantly making new friends, and balancing parental emotions and styles, adjusting to completely different environments.  He is though and I pray that he becomes stronger and really build a solid confidence in the boy he is.  I’ve learned more about myself through the tough decisions I’ve had to make and situations I’ve had to endure than the easy ones, so who knows, maybe he will conquer these moments in life and prosper! 

Much love


  1. Oh, Sarah...what a beautiful heartfelt post! My prayers are with all of you, especially little Jared. Oh, my sweet Sarah! I love you!

    XXXOOO Mom

  2. This is so sad it breaks my heart! I'm so sorry your family and Jared has to deal with this, I'll be praying for you all!



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