As I sit here with Lira on my lap waiting for an email, phone call, status change, anything to let me know that some company is potentially interested in employing me, I feel guilty and saddened. If that is my only worry at the moment, I am in good shape. I have very close friends and family that are deployed, adjusting to extreme weather conditions, thousands of miles away from family and friends, fighting for their marriages, struggling financially, hurt from the actions of others, and the list goes on.
My heart and prayers go out to them all.
This week has left me praying in particular for military families. The life of a military family is so different from the life of a nonmilitary family...at least from my perspective. I wasn't raised military, but I am living military now and while it is not at all how I pictured my life...deployments, many lonely nights, nightmares, feeling like a single parent, holding down a house by myself knowing full well that if I can't do this we will suffer, waiting for emails and maybe a phone call...it's daily life for me and many others. We have lots of joys too! The reuniting is amazing, date nights are treasured, love letters, glances and dancing in the living room are musts to stay connected and feel the love. Being a strong military spouse, makes you an even stronger individual.
When Ryan deployed after we got married, I collapsed for a few days. (That's all I'd allow myself to do.) Then I started working. Something comes over you. You know you have to be strong for yourself and for your spouse. The last thing I wanted was for Ryan to have to worry about me. I was fine. I could do this. I'd be there when he came home. End of story.
I hate to say this, but I feel that I have become less sensitive, tougher, almost meaner since marrying Ryan and becoming a military spouse. It might just be an illusion and in fact I am stronger and more closed off because that is my coping mechanism. I don't know, but I do know that I want to regain my true carefree, lover of all things mentality. Life's challenges mold the person you are. I may have let me true character be affected too much by the struggles of the past 2 years. I will make sure I regain my inner peace and love of life this year.
We all have our own struggles, military or not, and they aren't fun in the least. If we can overcome them, we are generally stronger for it. I hope that whatever it is that you are struggling with at the moment is resolved and that you feel the comfort in the Lord. Prayer is a beautiful. It gets me through every single day of my life.
From the bottom of my heart, if you could please keep two special intentions in your prayers for me, I'll be forever grateful.
If you'd like me to keep any special intentions for you, please let me know. No details necessary, just the simple request.