Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Pre Deployment Sadness

There is no amount of preparation that can make you ready the love of your life being deployed or for leaving the love of your life for a deployment. Ryan and I are trying to make the most of our last few weeks/months before he leaves, but we still have our days where it hits us and it hits us hard. Holding back tears, thinking of being alone, worrying about his safety, thinking about our future (finding a place to live, starting graduate school, making friends in a new place) are some of the things that have been consuming me. I can tell Ryan is worrying about things as well and that also worries me. Knowing that he has fears and concerns make me all the more upset. When I want to cry, I try to hold the tears back, but my body feels hot, almost out of breath…it’s a feeling I has always gotten when I hold back tears, but it is extremely hard to explain.

I am dreading the deployment with every ounce of my being even though I know that Ryan and I are strong enough to handle it and have a love that will keep us solid. I am already thinking of things to keep me busy – getting furniture to paint for the bedrooms, living room end tables/tv stand/coffee table, making a frame for our bed and a headboard (thanks to HGTV), scrapbooking, making card; I’m looking into jobs, college courses, possible vacations. I know me and I know I need to stay busy to keep from going insane. A summer of tears is not what I am looking for, even if it is what I am feeling right now. I know that there will be plenty of tears, which is to be expected from me i.e. “Mrs. Emotional”, but I am hoping to minimize them as much as possible and stay optimistic, active and super healthy and happy. I need to put effort into showing Ryan my love through old fashioned, traditional methods…letters! (On that note, if anyone knows of any wonderful stationary places, please let me know!)

I am sure there will be many more entries on deployment and I know they are not exactly the most upbeat of entries, but sometimes a girl just needs to write down what’s on her mind to feel a bit lighter.

I love my husband!


  1. You just touch my heart Sarah! I'm sad for you guys too! I know you'll stay busy and the time will fly. His time should fly as well. Writing letters will be good for you both. Working for the future good (of you both) gives you purpose and motivation. Missing the one you love is sweet, bittersweet of course. Won't the reunion be fabulous!

    Hugs - Peggy XO

  2. thanks for sharing your feelings so honestly! i've never experienced being separated from my hubby for long, but i know it must be one of the most difficult things! stay strong and stay busy and it's ok to cry too. be sure to save all of your beautiful letters to one another. that will be one of the coolest treasures for your children, grandchildren to see one day.

  3. Thanks Peggy! The reunion will be great and I will stay busy! You know me!

    Marjorie - We saved all of our letters and emails from the 1st deployment and will do the same this time. I was thinking about making a collage out of them and turning it into a piece of artwork when he is retired from the Navy! Just one of my many ideas... Thanks for your support!


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